I enjoy using blogs to vent about things, and as not many people know about this one, I am going to use it to vent.
Quite a few years ago I had a boyfriend who was extremely destructive, to himself and others. Never physically abusive, he was mentally abusive, and I suspect also had bipolar disorder. Obviously, having a mental illness is not your fault, but he was also just plain evil. As a result of that relationship my self-esteem was at an all time low, and I developed anxiety disorder and depression from the constant insecurity of where I stood and when the next outburst of anger came from. For a 14-17 year old girl, this sort of stuff, on top of all the crap you are already going through as a teenager is a lot to deal with. Eventually, after a messy break up, I was able to move on and find someone who really appreciates me for who I am, regardless of my weight or my own mental illnesses.
So I'm 21 next week, so obviously this was a long time ago, but every now and then, petty remarks tend to pop up, about petty things like my weight gain.....mainly weight gain. Bit sad if you ask me, that the only thing I can be faulted about is the fact that as a student I have packed on some weight, as most students do. I wonder why this is though. I mean, I have moved on, I live with my partner now in Auckland, I graduate at the end of this year, maybe next year if I decide to do honours, and am a part time burlesque dancer who has been accepted of only 9 contestants in New Zealand into the Miss Burlesque New Zealand finals in Hamilton next month. By all accounts, I am happy with my life and my achievements. The only reason I can think of that someone could bring me down, is if they are unhappy with their own life.
It's so sad but I suppose I can't change the way other people think. I can only hope they grow up. Happily though I am all grown up ;) and off to the gym, though I don't really care about gaining weight, I need to get fit again for dance ;)
xoxo
